Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
