You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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