You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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