hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
