I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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