his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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