Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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