Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
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