Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
