I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
you mean i was at the winter classic?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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