don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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