Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
