direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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