I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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