I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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