it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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