yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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