my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
