Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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