At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
