party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
