It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
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I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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