you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
