ya dads aren't the best wingmen
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
