so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
