carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
