Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
