He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
