the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
