im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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