I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
