i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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