Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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