Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
