i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
