don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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