There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
