You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
