This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
