Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
