hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
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