ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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