walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
