Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
