Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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