I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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