Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
