Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
