So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
