i think i have herpe
just one?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
