i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
