I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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