she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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