God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
