A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
