It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Two words: blizzard sex
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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