He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
