I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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