Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
