Your tits are I can't wait for
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
