wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
