3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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