maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
