so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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