Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
